Tuesday 20 December 2011
Tuesday 18 October 2011
Random Funny Pictures From Around the Internet
My darling husband, Before you return from your business trip, I just want to let you know about the small accident I had with the pick up truck when I turned into the driveway.
Fortunately it's not too bad and I really didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too much about me.
I was coming home from Wal-Mart, and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake.
The garage door is slightly bent but fortunately the pick up came to a halt when it bumped into your car.
I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will
forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart.
I am enclosing a picture of the damage for you.
I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.
Your loving wife.
XXX
P.S. Your girlfriend called...
There was something else about how woman first showed up barefoot. And a note saying the kitchen and laundry hadn't been invented yet. But it wouldn't fit on the picture...
Sunday 2 October 2011
Wednesday 28 September 2011
Sunday 25 September 2011
God love that Pig
Astounding facts you need to know:
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.)
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that's more like it!)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.. (O.M.G.!)
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (O.M.G.!!!)
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.(Creepy) (I'm still not over the pig.)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Don't try this at home; maybe at work.)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. (Honey, I'm home . What the...?)
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field. (30 minutes. Lucky pig! Can you imagine?)
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (I still can't believe that pig ...quality over quantity.)
Butterflies taste with their feet. (Something I always wanted to know.)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmm.......)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people. (If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. (Okay, so that would be a good thing.)
A cat's urine glows under a black light. (I wonder how much the government paid to figure that out.)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.)
Starfish have no brains. (I know some people like that, too.)
Polar bears are left-handed. (If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (What about that pig? Do the dolphins know about the pig?)
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread these crazy facts. (and God love that pig!)..
A short note on the content: This is not my own original material, this list has been doing the rounds on the internet and as an email joke for some time, I just like it a lot and thought I'd post it up here on Stone the Crows Mate! This is for the benefit of those who may not have seen it yet, I'm sure it will give you a chuckle.
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.)
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that's more like it!)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.. (O.M.G.!)
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (O.M.G.!!!)
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.(Creepy) (I'm still not over the pig.)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Don't try this at home; maybe at work.)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. (Honey, I'm home . What the...?)
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field. (30 minutes. Lucky pig! Can you imagine?)
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (I still can't believe that pig ...quality over quantity.)
Butterflies taste with their feet. (Something I always wanted to know.)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmm.......)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people. (If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. (Okay, so that would be a good thing.)
A cat's urine glows under a black light. (I wonder how much the government paid to figure that out.)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.)
Starfish have no brains. (I know some people like that, too.)
Polar bears are left-handed. (If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (What about that pig? Do the dolphins know about the pig?)
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread these crazy facts. (and God love that pig!)..
Childbirth Pain Transferred from Mother to Father
... Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the knob to 10 percent for starters, explaining that even 10 percent was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine, so he asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20 percent pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and pulse and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this, they decided to try for 50 percent. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, he encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they arrived home, the postman was dead on their porch.
A Random Collection of Funny Stuff from the Internet #1
The first collection of funny stuff, weird, odd, unusual, and odd posts I've found in my online travels
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About Me
- Hakamike
- Tradesman, author, artist, song writer, poet. Seeker of knowledge through ongoing self education. Alternate living type, I have an avid interest in sustainable energy and technology. I like the idea of grassroots living and love the bush, camping, fishing and hunting. I have an abiding passion for music, particularly Aussie rock of the 80's, Southern blues and hard rock. Beyond that my taste is broad and eclectic. I hope to leave the world in a better state of affairs than I found it in. I'm not a tree hugger or raving activist, I prefer the idea of solutions through applied knowledge and technology. Returned to Australia in '05 after 9 years living and working in New Zealand. I grew up in West Ryde and lived in the Snowy Mountains for many years during my 20's. Spent seven years living in Broken Hill, the gateway to the outback. I live on a beef cattle farm at Gibberagee NSW. I own a gasfitting specialist business. Knock about bloke, I call a spade a spade. I don't suffer fools well. I'm hard when I have to be, but I have a good heart. I've been through the school of hard knocks... twice. Live, Love, Life...